SuNNy Day

Today Suppose to be a sunny day... suppose to be a day full of happiness and fun. But I'm not happy at all. I do not have the mood to do anything.. I tried to do so many things to make myself happy. I went to karawara to buy stuffs and groceries (shopping is wat i always I do to make myself happy)
I cook myself a very nice tom yam noodles soup with dumplings in it.
I cook Xue Er dessert, ask friends to come and drink.
Chat with them...
I watch drama, anime, entertainment shows, etc
I make myself a ham and mayo sandwiches
I cook another vege soup
Bake an apple pie........

After all these.. I still ...........................

I do not know what is your feeling when you send me the 2 messages yesterday. BUt I do not dare to reply you at all. I know... If I reply you this time, again I won't able to firm with it. That's why I choose not to reply you. I been thinking hard today.... Should I send you this last message. Your mom actually asked me to motivate you in your studies. I have actually promise her to do it.

I know this road won't be easy.. But I do have to go through it. Alone or not, I been through it before. So i believe I can do it again. No matter how hard it is. I have to go through it again.

Also.. Alot of memories flow through my mind..
The message you asked me whether I like caramel
The place you bring me to have pancake, rifo
The night you bring me around when I'm emo
The day you cooked salted vege soup for me when I said I wan to drink the night before
The sandwiches you made for me bcoz you know I'll skip dinner
accompany me to uni at night when I'm doing my thesis
accompany me at jeff's house when he's in troubles
The time you called me when I'm working, ask me wat do i wan to eat for dinner.
Drink wine with me in mill point
watch movie with me
Surprise me with the mp3 player in the car
again, cook hot and sour soup without telling me.
bought prawn crackers for me and ask our friends to cook for us

Of course I also remember when I saw you at northbridge when I just sat down in the restaurant.
When you fight with me during work and the kitchen it's like an earthquake
When you quarrel with me through the phone and you have to walk all the way from belmont to bentley
when u dun wan to follow my car and walk home from carousel

these memories will be kept at the side.. I want to seal it....

Then I remember how all my friends encourages me... Long ago one of them told me, just forget it. If you pass through this, then you will have your story to tell to other ppl next time.
Then I remember also how my bunch of friends try to encourage me till 4am in the morning. One of them having test the next day!
One of them told me that:
what are you still hoping actually???? Why do you want to hope when you know it's not right?
Why are you so silly? Why are you still putting yourself in this kind of troubles? Are you really happy? Is this what you really want?
We don't want you to do all these to let us see. We dont want to see you acting. We want you to wake up.
We don't want you to get hurt.

Do you know that, my friends even tear for me....... Where can you get these kinds of friends.. I would never forget how they tears flow....