i lost my earrings again..
reminds me last time how u scold me when i lost my earrings when im back here.

I dont remember since when we don't talk to each other anymore...
i saw one of our chat history..
august 2008.
It was so so so so long time ago.. (actually just last year)
too many things happen in a year..
i hate you, and you hated me.

Again, i cant sleep .. Just slept like 3 to 4 hours. i woke up.. till now.. looking at the sunrise.. again
we're from two different world following two different path..
sometimes for 2 person who are thinking too much, may become an explosion

watever u did, hurts..
hurts till now..

I couldn't believe the person that i miss the most, is the MOST SELFISH ONE!!
Think about yourself only!
Say something that hurt other people..
YOU JUST LOVE COVER FOR YOUR OWN ASS!!!!

算了！
重今天开始，我要当我的女强人！！！！
往我的目标而冲！！！

**Only Hope**

Recently I'm so addicted to this song...
Only Hope by Mandy Moore...

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write
Over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
Would you sing to me
Over and over and over again?
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope
Sing to me the song of the stars
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me all the plans that you have for me
Over again
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope
I gave my destiny
I'll give you all of me
I want your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs
I'm giving it love
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

almost 3.35am.. i still can't sleep..

Browsed through the pictures uploaded by my friends..
Saw a very familiar face on my friend's pictures.
my heart sink straight away... all the scenes, all the images, flashes through.....
I tried not to think... I tried not to bother.. Tried so hard to act nothing happen , which i do not know if i successful act through or not..
but i can't stop thinking..

now this moment, i'm not happy.. i know that i'm not...
the cut is there.. the hurt is still there..

I tried not to blog.. When you start blogging, it's must be there's a thing that you don't know who to turn to,to tell... Hence you turn to this page which started as "www.blogpot.com"
Then you type everything that you don't want/ don't like to tell.
Well.. this is what I'm doing again, at this moment, 8.09pm of 8th December 2009.

I experienced so many things for the past few days or even weeks..
For the last few weeks, I organized an event for my friend. End up I don't get any response from her/him.. Sorry but that's already my limit.

I had 3 weird things happened in my dream in one night!!!
I dreamed that my thesis was rejected *TOUCHWOOD*
I dreamed that I saw my boss AGAIN!! when i'm hanging out with friends
The most weird one! I saw mr J. with all the teeths are gone!!!!!
Crazy!!!!

Then, my best friend was so emo these few days.. i tried to contact her. but it's so hard to reach her! I'm worried as well.... but again.. when u tried to call and call.. and yet so hard to reach.............................. i duno wat else i can do..

Watched alot similar story line in the different drama... makes me think again..
I also wanted everyone around me to be happy! But always it seems it just not the case...
sorry guys and girls.. i'll tired as well....

Xmas holiday gonna be here soon.. So all works are piling up !!! Stress and StresS!!!
sometimes just dun know who to turn to...

Happy Birthday

It was Shao Han and Sarah's birthday yesterday.. Celebrations... dinner. karaoke.. etc
stop reminding me the old times..
I do not want to be reminded the old times...
karaoke with you guys..
PLease don't remind me those times anymore.. I love my life now..
not the old days.. those are my miserable moments...

Sorry guys.. But really.. i want to look and run forward..
Let me free from the memory cage....

sorry that i ended without a single word...

i'm just too tired...

i have been organizing few stuffs so that everyone can hang out, relaxing... away from the work and stress..
but some idiots are just really pisses me off sometimes..!!
Really!!!! When they are 'THE PROBLEM" one, don't doubt it and finding excuses for them.. just accept the fact that "THEY ARE THE PROBLEM!!"

I really do appreciate those who helps me all the way....! but in the same time..i know.. indirectly these cause u guys bit of problems as well..
Sorry and thanks guys..

stress stress stress!!!!!
3 assignments and presentation due in a week
2 projects from work commissioning at the same time!

SO STRESSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY CANT I HAVE MY OWN THINKING!
i apologize to make this person happy
i delete the post on fb to make another person happy!

pek cek!

Im tired...
Im really tired...
I do not want to talk anymore... or guess wat you're thinking anymore...
You want to be Mr Good guy, go ahead
you wan me to apologize, fine
i done all these.. dun ask for more...
im really tired........ dun ask me to admit something i dun understand at all!

reading back the blogs i wrote before.. only i notice it's been a year.. So many things has happen in months.. A lot of old scenes flashes in my mind..
Some I still can recall very clearly.
The day you tried to walk home from work, holding a cigarettes.. Then i asked you to follow us.
The day you sat there and join our conversation for the first time
The day you fight with me until the work place was all upside down
The day you still come when we had a big fight
The day you talked to me when i'm at cathy's house
The day when both of us tried to convince cathy at her house
The day you cook me salted vege soup
The talk in msn, saying gonna cook me chicken wings at 3am in the morning
The dAYS I saw you on the street, walking home from work
the day you come to my presentation to give me support
The day you comb your hair like a dragon ball super saiya, and sing k
the days we go for shoppings..
the nights we go to millpoints and have drinks there
the pressies you bought me..
suprises you gave me
memoriess.... all these are past....

I don't wan to talk anything negative today.. it's your day..


All i wan to say to you is
Happy Birthday......

Let's your birthday be the ending of everything....

BreakUp again

BReak up break up! another pair of couples breaking up again..!
It's kinda scary that October is always the month of breaking up...
WHy? i don't know but this is wat i notice every year.
Another pair of couples breaking up and another "singlessss" borned..!

You live under the world of fairy tales.. You dun know the truth from the beginning till the end..
You been told all the lies and stuff..
All the sweetsssssss given, to blind your eyes... On the phone few thousand miles away from perth.. where you can't see..
Good LUCK!

It's been ages that I didn't update the blog.
It's not that i do not want to upload.. It's that i have a very complicated feelings when i wanted to type anything on this small box....

Maybe.... just maybe it's not the time to leak out the idea .....

Listening to this music, Until the Last moment by Yanni...
Really touching...........
The music is so sad..... like the title of the music,
it's like waiting for someone, something... that may or may not get it..


Towards the end of the music..
it's more cheer up...
do not know is it because she/he finally get to see someone/something he/she waited so long
OR
because he/she realizes let go and search for better path...

HIding myself

Working in this new environment. I have been busy almost everyday. --> Less contact
Pretend nothing happen after i know even thought it's hurting
Trying not to express my mood to avoid unsolveable arguements
Trying to care without letting anyone knows
Trying to do wat other ppl ask me to
Trying to think on other ppl's point of view

I duno wat to think anymore... All these pushing me
to be more individualistic. To keep to myself...
Been having a lot headache........

My jobs now keep me so busy everyday.. So busy that keep me from everything else. I love my job. I appreciate my job.
Somehow something changing me
Slowly by slowly... It's like the time so precious and so pack now. i will start thinking the consequences of each actions or decisions. It's like everything is more realistic now. Everything is getting serious now..
So when it comes to off day like today. Eventually I do not know how should i react.

So troublesome! I rather work everyday than have another today.

You asked me
how can I keep quiet seeing what is happening...
How can i dun feel anything
How can I dont act anything...

Let me ans you..
Something is done.
You don't know...

Just wait and see

When there's a cut, there will be a scar....

Can you recognize who is that???? The particular one sitting in front of the 'FIRST ROW' ?????
ELFIN GUNADI!!!!
Pay FULL ATTENTION to our new lecturer, Peter Wolfs!

Yeah.. uni life started again! I'm not ready, i think so as most of the students..
Still in the working mood ( not holiday mood),
Was suppose to have a perfect starting of the semester, but this is all ruined since last thursday!
Now i'm in big debt!!!! Need to save alot of money to clear out all the debts. My plan to shopping, travel, eating, drinking, sing k, party, etc. just disappear!!! 5 mins from my house, it's all gone!

Gonna do research lorr.... Sleep well everyone~~ Sleep tight!

Humans and Foods @ July

This is what will happens when it's too bored
POST No.1

Post No. 2

Post No. 3

My Lunch!!

Sweets~~~~~~~~!

There're more but.......... I FORGOT TO BRING MY CAMERA!!!!



Outside the work place

Anna's Birthday Party

Anna would always says this : The best 'COOKER"
Chris

"Don't Know"(Donald) is his name.

Kana

Mo0

Singapore Chicken Rice by Jeffrey

Kim Chi

Chicken Wings by Jim

Fruit Salad

The Couples

**Anna & Chris**

** Ken & Jeff**

Not So Cloudy Day

Tempted to eat ramen~~ went to Big Bowl Noodle Restaurant and found out it's closed!
So on the way to Fremantle, saw this under construction building with the big big rectangular things popping out. Do not know what it is... so SNAP!


Head to Fremantle Market which there is a Japanese Ramen. but CLOSED TOO!!!!
So finally went to Kailis to have this BBQ Seafood which cost about $27 dollars, and a glass of red wine ($5).

Hence when walking towards back to the car park... saw these nice interesting buildings. Fremantle really full of unique buildings. So unique that I think it's a good place for photo shooting for Professional photographer(unfortunately I'm not. T_T) But i'm happy enough to snap all these beautiful buildings....

Somewhere in Fremantle

On the way, I heard 'bi bo bi bo'.. BOMBA!! hehe. Only manage to snap the first and second cars. Miss the third one......

This holiday is so fruitful as lots of things accomplished....

First, Rescue Diver course

Second, finally can sing k with my family

Third, although my skill sucks.. but we PLAYED POOL!
Fourth, meet with my dear Pris and......................
Shopping!!!!!!!!!
hahahaa.. this is when I was young... Suddenly saw my sis upload this piccc..... hehehe

Mabul and Sipadan islands

Sipadan and Mabul Islands
flight from Kota Kinabalu, to Tawau
1 hour drive to semporna
then 20 mins boat rides

Crystal Clear water and shining white sands

This is the place you wanna stay.............

My Pressie!!

A belated Birthday Gift.....

Thank you

ShoPPINg , SinG K!
It's been ages that I did not go for Shopping ! To buy things for myself!
Today I spent everything I have!
I do not want to see the price tag
I just want to buy things that I like..

suppose to be a very nice night.. fun and enjoying karaoke and sleep
BUT IT'S NOT!

What a crap night!

Terrible Day

Today is the worst day of working in the whole semester
Gosh.. there's so many things hits the climax for this week
This week have been the most hardworking week of my whole semester
And today has been the worst saturday working of my whole semester.

Today came a new staff from CHINA! and INDIA!!!
FOr Goodness sake... indian, married staff, with the head keep shaking...
China staff who talks nonsense!

I do not know why.. Maybe I'm stress out.. So my temper was not very good.
I never been so pek in my whole semester.
Of course.. the lunch prepared by my dear friend, WEi han lighten me up! Healthy food!!

Then somemore got 'fu yan' answer.. SHIT! pek!!

Today the restaurant was a DISASTER! Everything not clean, the tea towels were everywhere. Glasses and jugs all around the places, stains on the tables.. Floor not mopped..
My colleague and I spend few hours to clean..
I mopped the floor, scrap the bar, clean all the places.

There is no more classes for this semester. So I could stay back a bit to help out. My colleague had to go home for revision.
Was kinda stress with the assignments. Tried not to think about it during work. Want to release stress.
Had Nandos for late lunch.. then Gloria Jeans' Tim Tam for dessert (someone spent me, Yeah!! )

Wanted to do groceries shopping for my house, but damn lazy... Maybe will do it tomolo..
***************************************************************************************
Just came back from McD, didn't bought anything.. I wasn't hungry or thirsty or anything.. I just want to drive..
Abit better than just now... however.. stresssss

Last nite didn't sleep very well...
Fall asleep, then wake up around 2am+
Was hungry that time.. But didn't want to take any supper...
Drank hot chocolate with soy milk

Dream that i had to prepare for IELTS test. Getting ready for the test. Almost forgot to bring my liquid paper for correction. Then tends to forget other stationary as well. i was so nervous.

Woke up finally. Found myself sweating. Felt that I did not sleep at all. Was only dreaming the whole night. Kinda tired. But i didn't want to 'return' to that exam dream. Plus, i got bunch of assignments to settle.

Programs of the day,

Do assignment due next week..
Aaron's birthday dinner
Box 3 meeting
Continue with birthday program -> Paramount
SLEEEP (working whole day tomolo, may neeed a wake up call.. :( )

Lunch menu@ box

Worked abit more shift for this week. Tues, Fri and Saturday!
However, saturday would always be a day with nice menus...
Today's Lunch are :

1) Ikan PEdas!

2) Sweet and sour chicken meat balls
They kn0w that I can't take beef, hence they made a chicken meat ball for me... sweet......
They know I like spicy stuff, so they made the fish so spicy that i need to drink alot of water.

there is another dessert.. white fungus.. but i can't drink.. :( sob sob....

Rain Rain

Finally Raining liao!!!!!

I never like raining before! But today, I love it!
These few days, the weather forecast shown that it should be a raining day. However, it didn't
It's like finally the sky is letting go the tears, expressing whatever it wants.

Standing under the rain drops... Really feel so good! With the cold weather, abit of foggy vision. This reminds me of Kundasang. When I was young, I really like to go to Kundasang and stay overnight.
That would always be my weekend trip! I like the foggy vision, cooling weather. I like the wet air. Feel the flow of the air. This is one of my favourite thing i like to enjoy.

Another reason is that, the cooling rain drops reminds me, when i'm in under the sea. When you're under the water, and it's a rainy day. Rain drops hits the water surface. It's like all the stars shining brightly while you're under the water, feet not touching any hard objects. You're like floating in the middle of the sea. This is as if you're a bird flying freely on the sky above the clouds, looking at shooting stars.
That is one of the reason i love to dive!
Another best part of diving is school of jackfish, and I really mean school of jackfish (100+ of it) swimming around you. That feels EXCELLENT!!!!
I want to go diving!!!!!!!!! I want to go SIPADAN!!!! See the sharks, whales, dolphins, barracudda, turtles and find some mermaids!( haha kidding about the mermaid, they're alien! scary lah) But i'm serious that i wan to see all those!

Last reason is that, it's like the sky is finally let go all he/her unhappy feelings and 'cry'. I do not know what do you guys think about this, you guys may think I'm childish. but, this is my believe.
God is always up there, all these raining, lightning and sunny are all same as crying, angry and happy.
All my surrounding friends are facing so many problems. Really involve with different kinds of problems! Finance, Accomodation, studies, works, and etc. which is almost covers all the latest issues of the 'TV3 news' headlines!
It's like finally He's crying with us.

I just never love rains like today!!!

End of my EMO

wAo.. now is 1.35 am lor!!
Another day has passed! Time flies so fast. Everything happens so fast that I always do not have the time to catch up anything.

Been emo lately.. Too emo that I done alot stupid things. well.. I do not wan to emo anymore! I wan to be optimistic!!! Goodbye EMO!! GOODBYE MOODY!!! I do not wan to act tough again! I wan to cry whenever i feel like! shout whenever i feel like! spend and shop whenever i feel like! Sing k! clubbing and etc! I do not wan to keep everything inside and take too serious over some timid things!

Dear pris,
I hope you well. I pray hard that you're gonna have the best solution out of all!
Dear swing san.. you too!
Dear yi wen san, all the best~!
みなさん！！！！！がんばで！！！！！！！

Wao.. unexpected everyone can wake up today! All my gangs went for drink and club yesterday.. But today they all able to wake up and all at the time set! Wao.. i'm impressed!!!!




Thought is all girls out? actually it's not.. still go swing with us. All his photos at FB. For more
details pic, look at FB lah...

As mentioned at the last post, I was totally moody and emo.
Just finished talking to Pris.. It's been so long i never had a chance to chat with her.
She's can sense that i'm not happy, can sense that there is something i did not tell her. Only when i'm with her, i am able to express and let go all my feelings. So i told her all my unhappy things.
She's true one of the things... I always compare the importance level of the incident. How you gonna compare which one is more serious and which is not. What's the point ? everything kept to myself and cant let go, only make myself suffer. Then even the tears are controlled... and stay emo.
I used to think shopping, eating, singing, etc will help me to release all the unhappy. Singing will.. but for a short term.. Cry is the fastest way. I can't cry these few days.. not until i talked to pris. She always have to hear me crying! hahaha...

So many unhappy things.. Really beh tahan.. Even me myself can't see where's the main problem.. But she saw it.. and she told me... which is like.. Damn.. i'm gonna suffer for another few months.. until i really learn to let go, or....................

but pris.. it's really not your fault at all....